Monthly Archives: September 2014

Hook – Bangarang

Yesterday Hook aired on tv and I recorded it.  The passing of Robin Williams demanded so much attention because of his good-natured soul and the tragic ending of his life on earth, taken by he himself.  People don’t know how to take suicides because it is unimaginable to most.  Therefore, it results in various reactions globally.  Unless someone has gone through the hell that is depression, it is nearly impossible to fathom taking your own life and seeing no other solution other than to free yourself of the misery rather than walking through that fire yet again.

Unbeknownst to many people who’ve known me throughout the years, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was twenty years of age.  No one aside from my loved ones has a clue, but to them, the change was palpable and horrifying until I got it under control.  Hell, it took me almost a year to acknowledge the severity of it myself, because I had always been such a strong, lively and cheerful presence.  I was conditioned to feel that I was the life of the party, the strong one, the one others confided in, and there was no way this could happen to me of all people.

Guess what?  Most psychological issues arise in early adulthood and it does not discriminate. Everyone is up for grabs. Anyway, I watched the recorded movie Hook and couldn’t help to think of the happiness this man provided to so many people world-wide in spite of his own unhappiness.  He had the gift of making others happy, laughing in the most desperate of their times, yet in privacy and the solitude of his own space, he could not do it for himself.  I see that as heroic, not weak at all.  He had a light in his eyes that only he could not see and that makes my heart ache for him.

People must come to understand that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and no matter who you think you are, you are susceptible, and that others who suffer from it are by no means weak.  On the contrary, they are the strongest among us, because they have survived it time and again, forcing them to conquer their own minds that are fighting against them, and that takes strength and heart.  I hope this finds someone well who needs to know that no matter what your spiritual beliefs, life is precious and everyday right now may be a battle, but it’s a war worth fighting for, so fight the hell out of it.

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This summer I had a car accident that resulted in the totaling of my trusty, beloved White Bandit (Corolla). As a result, it demanded the purchase of my new Honda Civic that I love.  Purchasing a newer car is on my list, and as fate would have it, the perfect storm created the opportunity to get it.  Life is funny that way.

So, with another one off the list, I am forced to confront the fact that I have a mere six months to complete my long list before I turn thirty.  THIRTY.  I am bewildered that so much time has passed so quickly, but I know that I am looking forward to what life has to offer in my future.  I have crossed off so many things off of my vision board lately, and although much of it is not on the list that I created a few years ago, things are rolling along and good things are happening.  

We can plan life all we want, but at the end of the day, it means shit. Total and utter shit…life unfolds as it should, based on our choices and the choices we don’t make. I am perfectly open and okay with that fact.  I am embracing all of it with open arms and an open mind, all the while attempting to hold down my place in the driver’s seat to focus my direction where I hope it to follow.  I have no doubt that all will be well and better than I even hope to happen.  Cheers to life.

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