Eight months ago, I found myself in the perpetual misery we all know as a “break up.” I’ve been through several of them throughout my years, but this one was that one heartbreak that tears you down and makes you think in terms of only every present loathsome moment that you are in, rather than being able to foresee any future. I consider myself a strong, independent woman, yet there I was…confounded by anguish and grief, completely incapable of envisaging everything else that I lived for that made me who I am. My goals, hopes, plans, and dreams disappeared from my mind as if he took them with him. Three years with a man I had once considered spending my life with ended abruptly, and suddenly I did not know myself any more. While studying psychology in college, I came across a quote that I have never forgotten:
“Depression is the inability to construct a future.”
That quote successfully concentrates a medical illness characterized by a magnitude of symptoms into one absolute sentence, which I find to be brilliant. When you’re depressed, you can’t imagine that things will get better. It just seems like it is unattainable, or so far from happening that you bask in your agony. I went through hell for months, crying myself to sleep at night, avoiding people, and going through the motions. One day, I looked in the mirror and no longer recognized myself. I focused on making changes and with those changes, I slowly began to reach the surface from the depths that I had allowed myself to drown in for months. I now refer to “break ups” as “break downs,” because it makes much more sense.
The best way to get over someone is not to jump to someone else, or allow yourself to reach the point that I did; the best way to get over a “break down” is to muster up every ounce of strength in your being and focus on constructing your new future.
Since my last post, my three-year relationship ended just before Thanksgiving…. just in time for the holidays, with media providing me with constant reminders of my being not only heartbroken, but alone for the holidays. Thank God for all of the commercials featuring happy couples frolicking through snow. Not to mention, there’s the constant “I love my life” posts on Facebook. Unfortunately, the world keeps on going even though it feels like mine stopped. I haven’t been able to write since, because quite frankly, I haven’t had the words.
Surviving a break up is difficult anyway. Any time someone asks me about him it’s like taking a bullet over and over again. It’s exhausting and painful, but it seems to get easier with each day. As if that’s not enough, I’m expected to be all cheery just because it’s Christmas time. After three years of celebrating Christmas with someone, you can imagine how lovely it is to attempt to carry on with traditions such as decorating the tree, but at least I’ve got my family and friends.
I have come to the realization that Christmas is unavoidable, and the only way I will get through this trying time is by accepting it for what it is, putting on my big girl panties, drinking plenty of wine, and staying busy. In my last post, I explained that I’d just quit my job. Luckily, I found something working special events that should keep me quite busy moving forward. On a positive note, I’ll be focusing on my 30 Before 30 List and reading list much more, and as time heals, I will be stronger for this experience. To anyone who is going through a similar experience, my best advice is to fight the negative thoughts that inevitably attempt to take over your mind, focus on the positive things in your life whatever they may be, and watch the movie Elf with copious amounts of wine.
Categories: Game Called Life, Uncategorized
Tags: break up, Christmas, Christmas and holiday season, Christmas Carol, Facebook, Holiday, Opinions, Religious, single, Thanksgiving
A lot of change is coming about, which has kept me from diligently writing lately. Aside from moving, which we all know is a daunting task, I’ve been proactively seeking new opportunities for employment. I saw a quote the other day that has really helped to keep things in perspective for me, and I wanted to share it. Hopefully, the next train is my train.
I am undeniably full of flaws. I know and recognize them all too well. While sometimes they make me cringe uncomfortably, oddly most of the time I fully embrace them as my own. I believe that owning your flaws is the most important step in self-growth. Until you love your own flaws, you will never love who you really are inside. Every mistake I ever made is a part of me, and I am entirely whole because of them.
This morning I arose from my splendid slumber feeling completely rejuvenated and rather spiritedly because it’s Friday. The fact that it’s payday does not hurt either. I have been struggling much lately with the fact that I feel bound by many obligations that I feel are inhibiting my dreams and complete happiness.
I am in need of some serious life changes that require me to woman up and just make and stand by my decisions. I heard a quote yesterday that was something like, “A weak man has doubts before a major decision; A strong man has them after.” I am being weak.
With that said, I don’t want to be weak anymore, and neither should you. Happy Friday!
Glamour magazine published this list titled “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.” , written by Pamela Redmond Satran. Because this list is so awesome, I am posting it on my site for your enjoyment with the link included below.
By 30, you should have:
- One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
- A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
- Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
- A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
- A youth you’re content to move beyond.
- A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
- The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
- An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
- A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
- One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
- A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
- Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
- The belief that you deserve it.
- A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
- A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.
By 30, you should know:
- How to fall in love without losing yourself.
- How you feel about having kids.
- How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
- When to try harder and when to walk away.
- How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
- The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
- How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
- How to take control of your own birthday.
- That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
- That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
- What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
- That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
- Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
- Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
- Why they say life begins at 30.
Read More http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2007/02/things-women-should-have-and-know-by-30#ixzz1tos4ABE0
Sundays are a time of rejuvenation for myself, as I find delight in the most simple and slow-paced delights. Coffee tastes better on Sundays with breakfast after sleeping in with no care in the world about time frames. My neglected laundry gets the attention it deserves in between whatever endeavors I deem pleasant to pass the time. I hope you’re having a wonderful Sunday!
The definition of insanity is essentially doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, which is appropriate for the Insanity workout program, but not for life. If you continue to take part in the same things every weekend, with the same people, it completely hinders your self growth.
If you never take chances on new things or people, you will keep getting the exact same results in your life that you get now. Branch out and meet new people and take chances. Don’t be discouraged by things you try that aren’t your favorite. Instead, know you at least tried it and move on to the next thing. Get beyond your comfort zone to experience life, and I promise you will not regret it.
Crazy has many definitions. It just depends on who you ask. If you were to call me crazy, I’d take it as a compliment and nod in agreement proudly. Some may disagree, but to me crazy can just be someone who is bold, a maker of bold choices (I’m a fan), and a status quo changer. It can be someone who isn’t afraid to not only think outside of the box, but to think as if there is no damn box.
We live in a world of falsely self-entitled individuals who all think the world hangs on their Facebook statuses about their every detail. High school teenagers watch Jersey Shore and 16 & Pregnant marathons, and yet I wonder why their grammar is sometimes equivalent to that of a third grader with a baby bump. What the hell happened? MTV used to actually have music.
Call me crazy, but it seems to me like so many people are sleepwalking through life-the living dead. When I made this website, it was for me. I had an epiphany one evening and knew it was a wake up call. Whether anyone reads it or not, it keeps me in check and tracks my progress. I made my list of 30 things to accomplish in the next three years by age 30.