Posts Tagged With: Depression

Hook – Bangarang

Yesterday Hook aired on tv and I recorded it.  The passing of Robin Williams demanded so much attention because of his good-natured soul and the tragic ending of his life on earth, taken by he himself.  People don’t know how to take suicides because it is unimaginable to most.  Therefore, it results in various reactions globally.  Unless someone has gone through the hell that is depression, it is nearly impossible to fathom taking your own life and seeing no other solution other than to free yourself of the misery rather than walking through that fire yet again.

Unbeknownst to many people who’ve known me throughout the years, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was twenty years of age.  No one aside from my loved ones has a clue, but to them, the change was palpable and horrifying until I got it under control.  Hell, it took me almost a year to acknowledge the severity of it myself, because I had always been such a strong, lively and cheerful presence.  I was conditioned to feel that I was the life of the party, the strong one, the one others confided in, and there was no way this could happen to me of all people.

Guess what?  Most psychological issues arise in early adulthood and it does not discriminate. Everyone is up for grabs. Anyway, I watched the recorded movie Hook and couldn’t help to think of the happiness this man provided to so many people world-wide in spite of his own unhappiness.  He had the gift of making others happy, laughing in the most desperate of their times, yet in privacy and the solitude of his own space, he could not do it for himself.  I see that as heroic, not weak at all.  He had a light in his eyes that only he could not see and that makes my heart ache for him.

People must come to understand that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and no matter who you think you are, you are susceptible, and that others who suffer from it are by no means weak.  On the contrary, they are the strongest among us, because they have survived it time and again, forcing them to conquer their own minds that are fighting against them, and that takes strength and heart.  I hope this finds someone well who needs to know that no matter what your spiritual beliefs, life is precious and everyday right now may be a battle, but it’s a war worth fighting for, so fight the hell out of it.

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Break Up or Break Down

Eight months ago, I found myself in the perpetual misery we all know as a “break up.” I’ve been through several of them throughout my years, but this one was that one heartbreak that tears you down and makes you think in terms of only every present loathsome moment that you are in, rather than being able to foresee any future. I consider myself a strong, independent woman, yet there I was…confounded by anguish and grief, completely incapable of envisaging everything else that I lived for that made me who I am. My goals, hopes, plans, and dreams disappeared from my mind as if he took them with him. Three years with a man I had once considered spending my life with ended abruptly, and suddenly I did not know myself any more. While studying psychology in college, I came across a quote that I have never forgotten:

“Depression is the inability to construct a future.”  happy

That quote successfully concentrates a medical illness characterized by a magnitude of symptoms into one absolute sentence, which I find to be brilliant. When you’re depressed, you can’t imagine that things will get better. It just seems like it is unattainable, or so far from happening that you bask in your agony. I went through hell for months, crying myself to sleep at night, avoiding people, and going through the motions. One day, I looked in the mirror and no longer recognized myself. I focused on making changes and with those changes, I slowly began to reach the surface from the depths that I had allowed myself to drown in for months. I now refer to “break ups” as “break downs,” because it makes much more sense.

The best way to get over someone is not to jump to someone else, or allow yourself to reach the point that I did; the best way to get over a “break down” is to muster up every ounce of strength in your being and focus on constructing your new future.

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